


Not Like It Is In the Stories

by TooManyPodcasts



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Canon Compliant, F/F, Getting Together, Mutual Pining, Pining
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-08
Updated: 2019-04-08
Packaged: 2020-01-06 21:46:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,442
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18396983
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TooManyPodcasts/pseuds/TooManyPodcasts
Summary: Jester finds herself falling in love with Beau. What can she do but try to make Beau feel the same?A.k.a Beau/Jester has been canon since ep. 48 and only Laura Bailey herself could change my mind.





	Not Like It Is In the Stories

Jester liked Fjord. Of course she did! He was handsome, and kind, and brave, just like the men in her story books. Just like Oskar in Tusk Love. And, just like in her books, he had kissed her in Uk’otoa’s temple ( _Uk’otoa_... _Uk’otoa_... _Uk’otoa_ ), giving up his own breath when she was drowning.

It had been perfect.

Or, it _would_ have been, if only Fjord hadn’t immediately gone back to flirting with Avantika. He was in her cabin right now! It was all Fjord’s fault that she was feeling like this: cold and angry and a little, just a teeny teeny bit, disgusted by their kiss. And it hadn’t even really been a kiss had it? Just an exchange of air. Clearly, she just had to kiss him in the right situation. A romantic situation, just like in the books. Not that it hadn’t been romantic--he’d given her his very last breath. Really, Fjord was so sweet. He was so sweet and handsome and perfect--he _had_ to be Jester’s soul mate. Of _course_ she was in love with him! If only he would kiss her properly, then she would feel it: the heat, the passion, the thrill that she _knew_ was going to be there. She would feel something more than just “not dead.”

 

**********

 

Jester felt changed after they fought the blue dragon. There was a fear in her chest that had never been there before, and every time she closed her eyes she saw Fjord leaving her behind. She was being ridiculous, really. They’d all faced death at one time or another, and the other Nein were never bothered by their own close calls. Not like Jester was. She felt weak, and ashamed, and a little stupid for feeling so upset, and she refused to let the hurt show on her face.

“I’m a really good liar.” She had told Beau, and it was the truth. By the next morning she was her cheerful self again...well mostly. Fjord asked her several times if she was okay, and she caught Beau sending her concerned glances throughout the day. She didn’t need their worry, though, or their pity. She was okay, she was perfectly perfectly fine. She had fun exploring Bisaft and meeting the bees, and she hadn’t thought about her friends abandoning her at _all_. She wasn’t even fixating on how Beau was the only one who’d apologized. Not that she blamed Caleb or Caduceus or Nott. Nott had saved her life, probably, by taking the dragon’s last attack, and Caleb was so squishy, and Caduceus had hardly any combat spells.

Really, the only person she wanted an actual apology from was Fjord...even though that was silly. He didn’t owe her anything. But now they were on their way to his _stupid_ temple to raise his _stupid_ , evil, god, even though Nott and Beau’s hometowns were under attack. And now they had to sail through this _stupid_ storm, even though Caduceus had _told_ Fjord it was going to rain, and Jester just wanted to be alone and upset for once. She stalked toward the aft of the ship as the group split up for the night so that she wouldn’t have to face Beau or Yasha in their shared room.

Once there, she gripped the rail as the ship bucked wildly beneath her feet. Lightning flashed through the sky, illuminating the way their wake carved down the side of a massive black wave. The wind whipped her wet hair into her face and tangled it in her horns, nearly deafening in its intensity. Confident, for once, that she wouldn’t be heard, Jester allowed a sob to rip from her chest. Tears streaked her cheeks, indistinguishable from the sluicing rain, and she wasn’t even sure what, exactly, she was crying over. There was just, so much. She had almost died! And she was so, so angry at Fjord, and she might never see her mama again, and she missed her home so much that she wanted to dive off the ship right then and there and swim to shore.

She knew she wanted this--wanted to see the world, and have adventures, and fall in love, but it was so, so hard. The world was nothing like her stories had made it out to be. It was full of pain, and death, and killing, and her true love had abandoned her in a dragon’s lair. It was full of beautiful things too, she reminded herself, even as she shook with the force of her tears. There were bees, and new friends, and so, so many things Jester had never seen before! But...it was just..so hard.

Another sob tore through her, so sharp it was almost a keen, and she almost missed the sound of a throat clearing behind her. She didn’t whip around in surprise. Instead, she took a moment to stop her tears and calm her breathing before the throat was cleared again, louder this time. With a flash of irritation, she turned and saw Beau standing awkwardly, several feet away.

“Hey Jester, I, uh, just wanted to talk to you for a minute. Unless you, uh, wanted some time alone?”

Jester was suddenly grateful for Beau’s terrible night vision, knowing that the rain and darkness would keep her from noticing Jester’s red-rimmed eyes.

“No!” She said cheerfully. “I just wanted to be ready to cast Control Water. Y’know, just in case.”

“Oh! Okay, cool cool cool. That’s a good call actually. You, uh, going to stay up much longer?”

“Well, depends on the storm I guess.” Jester said with a slight smile.

“Ah.” Beau nodded, still looking awkward. A moment passed and then; “You know, about what you said last night, about being a good liar?”

“Mmhm?”

“You’re right, you really are a good liar.”

“Oh. Thanks, Beau.” Where was she going with this? Jester just wanted to be alone for five minutes, was that too much to ask?

“And it takes one to know one, I think. I think...me being a liar means I know when you’re not...and...and when you are. What I’m saying is, well, we all get sad sometimes y’know? Look, I...I haven’t told you really any of this but--” Beau stopped, seeming to fumble for words. Jester really didn’t want to be having this conversation right now, didn’t want to know that Beau--strong, brave Beau--had seen how weak she really was.

But then Beau told her. All about her own lonely childhood, surprisingly similar to Jester’s, and her heart ached for the pain she heard in her friend’s voice. At least Jester had had her mama and the Traveler to love her, but it didn’t sound like Beau had had anyone like that. And then, Beau gave her what, perhaps, was the most sincere compliment Jester had received in her entire life.

“I admire that in you.” She’d said. “In my loneliness I just got angry, but in your loneliness you turned to creativity, and I think that’s beautiful, I really do.”

“I’ll tell you a secret,” Jester had whispered in response. She wanted to encourage, somehow, Beau’s uncharacteristic openness. “Sometimes I’m angry too.”

“I’d like to see that someday.” Beau said, her voice strangely rough.

“Someday, I’m sure you will.” Jester laughed.

“And I’ll be proud of that too.” Beau said, and the sincerity in her voice caused the breath to catch in Jester’s throat. The tears that had fled before suddenly returned and, for a moment, as she felt them sting the corners of her eyes, she thought it might be alright to cry in front of Beau. Still, she held her tears back. She didn’t want Beau to worry any more than she already was, after all.

“Anyway,” Beau said after a moment. “ I know you like to look for friends and...I don’t know if I’m ‘best friend material’ but, you know, you don’t have to look far. For a friend. Anyways. I’ll, uh, leave you to it.” She turned to go.

Knowing Beau hated unexpected contact but unable to stop herself, Jester surged forward to catch her in a hug. To her surprise, the monk didn’t pull away. Instead she reached back, returning the hug as best she could.

“Love you Jess,” Beau whispered, just loud enough to be heard over the storm. The words hit Jester strangely, making her stomach feel tight and tingly and her breath catch in her throat. She just hadn’t expected them from the gruff woman, that was all.

“I love you too,” she said, wondering why her heart was suddenly beating so very fast.

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first time ever writing fanficiton! Disclaimer: a good chunk of Beau and Jester's dialogue was lifted directly from ep. 46. This fic is going to run parallel to canon until I catch up to the most recent episode, and then we'll see where it goes from there.


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